Earn Your Worth! Tips from the Institute

I gave a keynote talk this weekend at a conference that addressed the deeper reasons why women undersell themselves. I call it “The Seven Earning Challenges Women Must Embrace”. (It’s a fabulous talk, but I need a catchier title…) Afterwards, as I was talking informally with the audience about some of these deeper psychological reasons women underearn, a woman raised her hand to say, “I just realized that if I don’t start, I won’t fail. If I really get going with my business, I’m not sure what will happen.” I’ve heard versions of this from numerous women. We are so afraid of failure and what it must say about us personally. Coupled with our drive for perfectionism, it DOES feel intimidating to launch a business, or start offering a new service. What if it doesn’t work? What if no one wants it or no one signs up? It can feel like the time you threw a party and almost no one showed up. You wish you could take back all the invitations. The truth is that if you do launch something, it might not work. Gasp! Yes, it’s true. To make it easier to get going, I recommend we change our definition of success.

Stop measuring success by the results your new initiative achieves. Start defining success as the guts it takes to put out something new.

You are successful if you attempt to launch a new service. When you put yourself out there, that is a success. If it works, that is a SECOND success. Whenever we put ourselves and our businesses out there, we should clap ourselves on the back and say, “Yes! I’m doing it! I’m successful! I’ve put myself out there.” The results will be what they will be. It’s true that if you don’t start, you won’t fail. But you won’t move ahead either. And wonderful possibilities await.

It may sound paradoxical, but sometimes you have to take time off in order to make more money. What?! I find that people who struggle with earning issues never take a full day off. They are working a little bit, all the time. One of the keys to earning more money is to learn how to maximize your time. This means you work when you work and don’t work when you are off. I realize it sounds obvious, but it isn’t. Many self-employed people don’t take enough days off. They simply work too much and never rest. They never allow their batteries to re-charge. Of course they may not be working full days when they are working, which leads back to the pattern of working a little bit, all the time. Have you ever scheduled a day off and then found yourself returning phone calls, checking your work email and doing a little puttering around your office? Don’t! If you schedule a day off, don’t work! When you return, you will be rested, rejuvenated and ready to focus. Action item: Look at your calendar and decide on a "free day". Promise yourself you will do no business work on that day.

This weekend I read a fascinating article on Dale Chihuly, the famous Northwest glass artist, called Inside the Glass Empire. The article discussed how Chihuly, always colorful and controversial, has built his profitable business. The following section caught my eye:

...Elliott, who worked for Chihuly in the 1970s and ‘80s, remembers their conversation when an Arizona craft gallery couldn’t sell a batch of glass cylinders. Chihuly looked at the prices and came up with a startling solution: “I bet if I add a zero to that they will get some respect.” The higher prices helped push his work into the realm of fine art rather than craft—paying off brilliantly for Chihuly and eventually for others, too…. (Seattle Times, August 6, 2006)

Again, this goes back to price perception. Right or wrong, people value what they pay for. When you increase the price of your products or services, people believe they are worth more. We know this is not always true, but the PERCEPTION is that it must be a great service if it is expensive. So what does your price say about your service? Could you command more respect if you increased your price?

Well, I just broke my rule. I try to send out only two emails a month (newsletter and general tip/info) but there are some interesting local events coming up, and thought people may want to know about them. I worry about sending people too much stuff, about being perceived as being too “pushy”. Interesting. Then I was reflected on an intro meditation class I just took. I am contemplating taking a follow-up three month meditation intensive, and had briefly read a short flyer about it. I was waiting for our instructor, at the last class, to mention this upcoming intensive. She never brought it up. So I finally asked her about it. When she told our class about it, many of my classmates were intrigued and downright excited about the possibility. I think she didn’t want to be perceived as “selling” or being pushy. But often times people WANT to know what we have to offer! What about you? Do you neglect to tell people about events or services for fear of being seen as pushy? Could people benefit from knowing about them?

Many women simply don't risk enough. Why? Risk is scary. And in truth, risk taking is about learning to tolerate anxiety. It is stressful to risk. Things might not work out. Being able to risk really means being able to deal with the possibility of defeat, and a lot of women tend to interpret defeat as rejection. Rejection always feels more personal than simple defeat. Game-playing, which boys tend to engage in far more than girls, teaches kids that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. If boys interpreted all "losses" as "rejections," their game playing careers would be short-lived! I hope that as more and more girls play sports, this will translate into their future business skills. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. It is not about rejection. Many women simply haven't had enough practice risking. Men tend to engage in risk-taking activities from a very young age. And while this may drive their mothers crazy, they are developing their risk muscles and learning to tolerate the anxiety that comes from risking, at a very young age. Good Girls have an especially hard time risking. If they risk, they might upset the boat. Better to keep things the way they are. Don't ruffle anyone's feathers. Unfortunately, without risking, it is hard to reach your full income potential. It is a risk to raise your rates. It's a risk to offer a new service. It's a risk to define a niche. What about you? What risks have you taken that resulted in more money? And how have you dealt with the anxiety that comes from risking?

Robert Middleton, on his More Clients blog did a great post called Risking by Not Risking. He recommends creating a short list of things you are not doing or learning, because of the perceived risk, and then asking yourself these four questions:

1. Is this something that would truly benefit me if I learned it or put it into action? 2. What are some of the possible benefits I might gain if I learned or did this thing? 3. What could I potentially loose if I didn't learn this thing or do this thing? 4. What's the worst that could happen if I took a risk and learned this thing or did this thing?

For many of us, the greatest risk is not risking in the first place. Questions such as these help us put things in perspective. What is the worst thing that could happen? If we don't name it, anxiety and fears loom larger then reality. Naming your fears help tame your fears.

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A lot of women in business struggle with being overly nice. When people ask us to do something, such as give away our time for free, we have a hard time saying no. This is part of the “Good Girl Syndrome”- we want everyone to like us and we don’t want to make anyone mad. Often times we say yes when we should say no, and then silently berate ourselves. The energy cost of saying yes too much is very great. In fact, giving our time and services away for free, or at a discount, is one of the number one ways that women underearn. (Underearning is the pattern of consistently earning less then you need.) Here is a tip to help with this. Use “the pause”. The next time someone asks you to do something for free or at a discount, refrain from answering. Simply say, “let me think about it. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” It is ALWAYS okay to ask for time to think about something. Once you have some distance, and the person is not right in front of you, it is easier to think clearly. If saying yes is not in your best interest, you can plan your response. “Yes, I see the need, but all my extra time and energy is spoken for right now.” “Thanks for the opportunity, but it simply doesn’t work for my business to do that right now.” Using the pause helps the internal good girl gain perspective.

I've been thinking a lot about what your price says about you. It's true that it can be very scary to occupy the high-end niche. Charging top dollar brings up a lot of issue for people. ("Who am I to charge that much?" "Am I really worth charging that much?") But no matter what you charge, you are conveying a message. If you are at the bottom of your niche, what does that say? A friend of mine who has heard me speak on pricing issues told me a fun story. She works for a puppet theatre that has many preschools and elementary schools as clients. One day, a woman who owned a local pre-school was sharing with my friend some of her financial frustrations. My friend advised her to start charging more money. The woman looked uncertain and said she was concerned people might not be able to afford her. My friend looked at her and said “You don’t want to be the Wal-Mart of preschools, do you?” The woman was aghast and raised her prices the following month. What about you? Do you want to be the Wal-Mart of your niche?

A while ago a colleague sent me a great link to Robert Middleton’s More Clients Blog, with a great piece on Knowing Your Value (5.22.06). I just found it (yes, I got behind when I bought my new computer...) and wanted to pass it on. It’s so true: Most professionals don’t feel they are being paid what they’re worth, and Robert says that this is part of their scarcity mindset. For most people, their “wealth thermostat” is set to the amount of money they are comfortable earning. If you can’t see yourself earning $100,000, for example, then as much as you may want to earn that, you won’t do what you need to do to cross that threshold, including charging your clients enough money. (This is where our money messages come in—“Just who do I think I am to make that much money”, “It would be greedy to ask that much”, “Good people don’t make a lot of money”….) We are often unconscious about where our thermostat is set, but we always end up in the same range, financially. Look at your social security statement of earnings to get a sense of your thermostat. Middleton lists a wonderful five step process to help you change your mindset about the value of your services. Check it out!

I have to pass on this fabulous article called Friends with Money from the Elements of Feminine Power ezine. Read this excerpt:

Well, for one thing, you KNOW they don’t happen among men, do they?!? Don’t get us wrong – we’re not guy-bashing when we say it. But the truth is, women have a lot more energy wrapped up in worrying about how money affects (or might affect) our relationships than men do. We want to get paid what we’re worth – and we know we’re worth a lot! And we want to be able to buy nice things for ourselves and others. But if you’re like us and our clients and friends, you’ll probably admit: you NEVER want money to come between you and the people you care about...and we women frequently suffer big-time when money and relationships get mixed together.

It is all so true! Women are intensely relational by nature. And we have to balance our desire for relationship with our need to be paid what we're worth. Good food for thought.

A lot of women I work with don't like to sell. They fear being seen as pushy and would rather wait for someone to come up to them and say "Hello there, can I buy from you, please?" But sometimes people need and want us to sell to them, especially if we have something they could really use. I was reminded of this when I was reading Seth Godin's Marketing Blog. At the farmer's market, a man was really pushing eggplants, which Seth decided to buy. And he was glad he did!

In our permission marketing world, sometimes it's easy to forget how important selling is. Not because people are so stupid that they need to be sold something. Not because selling is obsolete because you can just search for what you want and then buy it. No, because selling overcomes fear. Fear of closing, fear of commitment, fear of blanching or sauteeing or just plain fear of buying something. (Posted by Seth July 8th)

A lot of people are afraid of eggplants and need help overcoming their fears. So remember, if you have a valuable service, you owe it to people to tell them about it. Our customers are not mind readers. They don't know how much we can help them and make their lives better if we don't tell them. Seth was really glad he bought that eggplant, and he wouldn't have bought it if someone hadn't sold it to him.

Rate-setting issues are in the air! I am getting many emails asking about how to set and raise your rates. Fortunately, I’m in the middle of writing an eBook called A Woman’s Guide to Setting and Raising Your Rates. Unfortunately, I can’t write fast enough. (I’m struggling a bit with balancing seeing clients, running groups, and writing. I need a few more hours in my day….) But I want to share some excerpts from my section called “Seven Signs it’s Time to Raise Your Rates”.

1. You have very little price-resistance As Harry Beckwith, author of Selling the Invisible says: If everyone can afford you, you aren’t charging enough money. If no one can afford you, you are charging too much. So how much should you charge? Beckwith suggests that you should set your price so that about 20% of your prospects don’t hire you because your price is too high for them. This is “price resistance.” Remember, not everyone should be able to afford you!!! If everyone can afford you, you definitely can raise your rates, perhaps significantly. Now if you are losing about half your prospects because you are too expensive for them, that’s too much. Aim for about 20%. Beckwith also reminds us that abut 10% of all people balk and walk away when it comes to price. Perhaps they weren’t serious buyers of your service, it is out of their budget, or they don’t trust you. Who knows! But you simply can’t expect to close every sale. So if you don’t even have 10% price resistance, then it’s definitely time to raise your rates.

This concept was very helpful to me personally. When I raised my rates in January, I had a lot self-doubt. (“Just who did I think I was, anyways?!”) But when I realized I didn’t have much price resistance- most people could afford me- it made it easier to raise my rates and know I wouldn’t lose tons of clients.

I always tell my audiences that their rates say things about them. Many people hope their rate says they are a “good deal”. But is this really what your rate says? Is it making you look second-rate? Remember that pricing is about perceived value. I thought about this when a friend recently told me about her quest to find a good therapist. My friend decided she wanted to do some therapy on a particular issue, and set about finding a good therapist. She was committed to do the work, and really wanted a good therapist who specialized in a particular area. After talking with about four therapists over a week, she grew frustrated finding the right one. Rate-wise, she discovered that they charged in the $115 to $125 range. She heard about a potential therapist from her doctor, and called her. This therapist seemed like a great counselor, and my friend began to wonder if this was the woman. When my friend asked, “What are your rates?” The therapist paused for a while, and then said “$90 an hour. And of course I have a sliding scale.” She offered hurriedly. My friend thanked her and hung up. She didn’t pick the therapist. I asked her why. She said it seemed like the therapist was a newer therapist, or wasn’t confident in her skills, or had few clients and was trying to attract new ones. None of which appealed to her. So what about you? What do your rates say?

“The Good Girl Syndrome”, which I write so much about, is alive and well in me. I’m a good girl! Good girls want everyone to like them and they don’t want to make anyone mad. They don’t want to rock the boat. Good girls have a hard time negotiating for themselves and asking for what they want and need. It seems to crop up everywhere for women, and if you are self-employed, it is a huge issue! I notice, for me, how it crops up in my hesitation about self-promotion. For example, I send out an electronic newsletter once a month with, I think, a great article. Then I send out a second email about upcoming events. That’s it. Two emails a month. (And now that I’ve tamed my database, only Puget Sound subscribers will even get this second email! I know I’m annoying my subscribers who live far away when they get local notices. And “Good Girls” hate to annoy people!) But I still agonize. Am I sending out too much email? Am I annoying people? What is the “right” amount? It does pain me that I could be annoying people with too much mail, and yet I know that you have to put yourself out there, even when not everyone welcomes you. So perhaps the answer is not to banish the good girl. I’m not sure that is possible. Beside, I like being a “nice person”. But I’ve got to challenge my internal "good girl". If I always worry about inconveniencing everyone around me, I won’t get very far….

I’ve been thinking a lot about masculine and feminine energy, since I wrote my last newsletter on how women can balance these energies. In my latest newsletter (email mikelann@womenearning for an article copy) I said that obviously society is out of balance and favors the masculine too much.

“However, in your personal life, many of you may need to tap into more of your masculine energy. This energy will help you work “on” your business, while feminine energy is wonderful for working “in” your business. When you work on your business, you can rationally strategize for the future and then take action. You are able to go out into the world and tell others what you do, even though this feels risky. You assert yourself and feel strong in your marketing and focused in your planning.”

Recently, I met Michele Lisenbury Christensen, of www.elementsoffemininepower.com. They talk a lot about masculine vs. feminine energy, and are concerned that many women are hurting themselves in the workplace by subjugating their feminine energy. When women live in an overly masculine world, eventually they burn out. I agree. But what I am wondering about is the difference between self-employed women and salaried women. My hunch is that some women leave the workplace because there is too much masculine energy. (They usually don’t say it that way!) But when women enter the world of self-employment, where everything is up to them, they often shun masculine energy and hence have a hard time promoting their businesses. In the end, it’s all about balance. No surprise there. Now if we can only achieve this balance!

Well, I seem to have fallen off the blog-o-sphere. Since my grandmother died, I’ve felt scattered with my work. Time to pick up the pieces! Actually, things are going quite well. Last month I announced the creation of my “Earn Your Worth—Business Support Groups for Self-Employed Women”. The first group filled within three weeks, maxed with ten participants. A second group is now building. How exciting! The process of figuring out what works and doesn’t work in business is endlessly fascinating for me. Last year I announced a different program (it was a teleseminar coaching program) that launched and then promptly crashed. Actually, I don’t think it ever even made it off the ground, so I cancelled it. Painful and frustrating. But I think that one of my strengths in business is that I simply keep trying. I keep looking for what works. When one thing doesn’t work, I try something different. Easy to say, but hard to do. I’ve had seminars I was very excited about and knew where quite powerful, that I had to cancel. I’ve learned to give myself time to “grieve” over the cancelled program. Then I try something new. As they say, if you keep throwing things at the wall, eventually something will stick! I think as business women, we need to be more proud of our failures. It shows we are out there trying! You have to have a certain number of “failures” on the path to success. It’s a rare person who simply “gets it right” the first time around. As Buckminster Fuller said (the famous mathematician and philosopher) “The reason I know so much is because I have made so many mistakes.”

Recently, I attended a branding seminar with Chuck Pettis of Brand Solutions, Inc. It was a day devoted to “archetypal branding”- understanding archetypes and how to use them effectively in your branding. Here is the classic definition of a universal archetype, right from Chuck Pettis’ website:

An inherited pattern of thought or symbolic imagery derived from the past collective experience and present in the individual unconscious. An original model or type after which other similar things are patterned; a prototype. For example, the archetypes of the Hero and the Outlaw (e.g., Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader from the Star Wars movies) are found in many myths, stories and movies.

I enjoyed the day a great deal and thought a lot about archetypes, Jung and business. Chuck presented twelve archetypes, based on Carol Pearson’s work, and how different companies use the archetype to help them maintain consistency in their branding. The “Explorer” archetype, for example, is the archetype for REI, while the “Outlaw” archetype helps define Harley-Davidson. I seem to resonate with the “Sage” archetype. I think understanding their business archetypes would help a lot of women rejuvenate their business and help bring into alignment their dedication to service with their need for profit.

Perhaps no one noticed, but I’m a day late posting this blog. My grandmother, LuCylle Davis, passed away last week, and I’ve spent the last days at family gatherings, wakes, her funeral etc. What perspective this lends me! In the midst of such loss, updating blogs and returning emails seems so trivial. Usually, business is at the top of my mind. Perhaps it is too important. My grandparents were self-employed for most of their lives. They owned a saloon at one point. At another point they owned a little company that stocked greeting cards and small toys in drug stores across the state. They worked hard. But they knew how to have fun! From family poker parties to many travels, they enjoyed their life and the lives of their five children and 16 grandchildren. My grandmother loved people and loved a crowd. Yes, she worked hard, but she never lost sight of that which mattered most to her: friends and family. I cry as I write these words, for they are so simple and so important. May we all heed her example. LuCylle Davis 1913-2006. Rest deeply in peace. I will miss you.

I’m in a great teleclass with Lynn Grodzki, who wrote Building Your Ideal Private Practice. (See www.privatepracticesuccess.com.) She is a therapist turned coach, who specializes in working with therapists and other “healing professionals” on their businesses. As I often work with a similar group, I was excited about learning from her. One of the things she discusses is the concept of “push vs. pull marketing”. In “push marketing”, you are pushing yourself on other people. This includes aggressive forms of marketing (cold calls etc) as well as advertisements, where you are selling yourself. This type of marketing doesn’t work well for those in the healing professions. It tends to rub against the grain, especially if you have a hard time with the notion of “selling yourself” in the first place. “Pull marketing” is when you put something of value out there that naturally pulls people towards you. I would argue that my newsletter is an example of “pull marketing”. I put out the content and if it resonates, people contact me. A classic example of “pull marketing” is teaching a class. You focus on delivering a great class or seminar, and you naturally pull people towards you. Interested people seek you out. Of course there are many tricks to doing this effectively, but many business owners would feel better, and do better, by focusing on pull marketing.